I have always held the following view of advanced classes: In exchange for the greater challenges that any given advanced class offers, its students should be offered special privileges, like field trips, unusual activities, and so on. It works that way in sports--as you go from the minor leagues to the major leagues, sure, you face tougher opponents, but you go from riding buses, eating convenience store food and living in two-star motels to flying in jets, eating four-star restaurant food and living in four-star hotels.
The advanced classes I had at Warner Middle School were hell. Sure, my Advanced Math classes meant I got to take pre-algebra and algebra a year ahead of most other students. In eighth grade, I also had Advanced English, which meant putting up with a teacher whose vocabulary tests required memorizing the definitions of 60 words, word-for-word, from a specific dictionary. In both classes, I had teachers that took off more points than was reasonably necessary for relatively small errors. Any compensation for these greater challenges and tougher teachers? Nope. No field trips, no movies, no parties, nothing.
In the fall of 1986, as we started high school, ABC had a new situation comedy called Head of the Class. It was about a group of ten gifted students and their history teacher, and as is the norm in TV shows, they got to do stuff that, to put it bluntly, just didn't happen in your typical high school classes. In the episode that aired on February 18, 1987, they did a music video for a time capsule their school was putting together. That was way cool. I WANTED to do something like that.
So I went about trying to get something like that started for my 9th Grade Advanced Math Class. That class was a small group as well--myself, Alex Nemirovsky, Matthew Rippin, Erica Watnick, Ed Serzo, Ted Skinner, Debra Stein, Rebecca Stern, Jenny Church, John Oros, Matt Paletz and Paul Levine. Tim Story and David Parks would join the class later that year to make it 15 students in all. I envisioned a video filmed at various parts of the school, such as the "patio," Buller Field, the gym and so on, and it would tell a story about the class, the students in it and the goings-on in that class.
One big difference between the "Head of the Class" video and my video idea was that I would write up a rap song, with a beat and a style like the Chicago Bears' Super Bowl Shuffle earlier in '86.
Just as the Bears had a refrain ("We are the Bears, shufflin' crew..."), I had this one:
"Head of the Class," go to HellJust as invididual Bears like Jim McMahon, Walter Payton and Mike Singletary cut a brief promo about themselves, each student would "rap" about himself or herself--four lines each. Since I knew that not every student was familiar with rap music, I decided I would write the first two lines (to give them "a feel for how it goes"), and hope they'd pick up the last two lines. Matt Rippin, however, just wasn't familiar with rap music, so I took the liberty of finishing his lines:
Mrs. T's 5th hour really rings the bell
15 strong will really make you laugh
If laughs were water, you'd be taking a bath
Guess who the import from England is?(Quick note on that last line: It's a reference to the Iran-Contra scandal, when the United States government sold arms to Iran for money that would help the Contra rebels in Nicaragua, as well as the release of six hostages.)
It's me, Matt Rippin, for the sake of show biz!
I never ask for money from my old man
I'll get it by selling this rap to Iran!
Erica Watnick was nice enough to finish her stanza for me:
I'm Erica Watnick and I like to sing(That last line refers to Story and Parks; as for the second line, back in '84, Erica's older sister Michelle called her a dog on the bus home from Warner, and that pissed me off; if I had to do it all again, I'd go up to Michelle and slap her in the face.)
My sister Michelle is DIS-GUS-TING
In math I always set the curve
But Tim and Dave are on my last nerve
Our teacher was Mrs. Louise Tsatsanifos, so I came to refer to the song as the TsatsaRap.
I ultimately had to pull the plug on the project due to lack of interest (I think Matt's and Erica's stanzas were the only ones that were complete), but I didn't lose interest in rap (which goes back to the mid-1980s, the days of Run-DMC and the Fat Boys). For example, in 1989, as part of a promotional video my French III teacher asked my class to put together to explain to French II students why they should continue their French studies past the minimum requirement of two years, I wrote Le Rap de Français III:
Nous sommes intelligents et travailleurs(Now for the English translation...)
Voici Français III, le cinquième heure!
Les étudiants ont beaucomp à faire
Regardez simplement le téléviseur!*
Quelques disques nous avons joué
Les grenouilles de Madame on peut voler
Nous le savons car deux étaient absent
Quelle surprise! Quelle évènement!
Pour obtenir un «A», comme Madame dirait
Faîtes les devoirs et étudiez
Vouz pouvez chercher de l'extra credit
C'est la vérité, qui mentirait ici?
Nous chantons des bonnes chansons
Des jeux et des boums nous avons
Matthieu a vaincu trop de garces**
C'est le nom de filles, quel farce!
Les étudiants d'allemand et l'espagnol
Désire que leurs classes étaient si drôle
N'oubliez pas: Faites Français III
Nous espérons que Madame vous voit!
We are intelligent and hard-working* When I wrote this rap, I envisioned that in the video, students would see footage of students playing games, listening to music, throwing frogs, and of course, learning French.
This is French III, fifth hour!
There are so many things we can do
Just watch the TV!*
We played some records
We can throw Madame's frogs around
We know this because two are missing
What a surprise! What a happening!
To get an "A", as Madame would say,
Do your homework and study
You can get extra credit
That's the truth; who would lie (to you) here?
We sing some good songs
We have parties and games
Matt Paletz conquered too many prostitutes**
No, seriously, he calls girls in our class that--what a farce!
Students in German and Spanish classes
Wish that their classes were this much fun
Don't forget: Take French III
We hope that Madame sees you (next year)!
** This line refers to what Matt Paletz had said of French Post-Impressionist painter Paul Gauguin ("He vaincred too many garces") after Mme. Orlich said that Gauguin died of syphilis.
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