What You Leave Behind

Our Editor closes out this issue with an examination of how we see each other

Over the last ten years, we, the Class of 1990, have lost two of our own (Brian Passerman on April 24, 2002; and Andy Jones on November 15, 2009). Some of us have also lost parents, grandparents and other loved ones during that time as well.

Having lost my father in 1994 and my grandmother in 2004, I've already been thinking about how people are remembered when they die. At any given funeral, you hear about what kind of people they were. You hear words like hard-working, selfless, kind, thoughtful, inspirational.

At no funeral do you hear about what car they drove, or the kind of house they lived in, or where they lived.

Why? The answer is a lot simpler than you may have thought:

In the end, you're not judged by what you have; you're judged by what you leave behind.

Why, then, don't we judge ourselves the same way in life the way we do others when they die?

I understand that the will to improve ourselves and compete against one another is part of the human condition. I really do. I've heard of Social Darwinism. The technology we have today is an example of that will to improve. Thanks to all kinds of technology, many of us enjoy a standard of living that royalty could not have aspired to 100 years ago.

But it's frustrating anytime I hear people talk about this Blackberry or that iPhone, or the size of their HDTV, or that they wouldn't be caught dead driving this car or wearing that shirt.

What we need to place a higher priority on is the things we will ultimately be remembered by:

• Children: Now there's a legacy you'll get to leave behind. Make every effort to make sure they turn out even better than you did.
• Work: Not the job you have, but the work it takes to do the job. It's amazing how many people want a job, but then don't do whatever work is mentioned in the job description. You want to teach the value of hard work to any children you may have, too. Max Ehrmann wrote in his poem, Desiderata: "Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time."
• Behavior/demeanor: It occurred to me one day that you never get a second chance to make a good final impression. Therefore, do not do--or even think of doing--anything that may lead people to judge you in an undesirable fashion. I am reminded of people who put their own fortunes above the well-being of others (Stewart Parnell, Bernie Madoff) or who just couldn't leave well enough alone and got really greedy (Barry Bonds, NBA referee Tim Donaghy). I also think of people who failed to face up to their problems and instead resorted to crime and violence, destroying their families and themselves (Michael Waleskowski is a local example that comes to mind). I would not want anyone to leave any of these undesirable final impressions.

Now, if you have a BMW, that's great. Congratulations. Thank you for not making too big a deal about it.

Instead, just remember that you will be remembered, not by what you have, but what you leave behind.

IN MEMORY

Brian Passerman

Andy Jones